"Mail Order Bride!" NO SUCH THING

But this unfortunate term will continue to dog the industry. We must refuse to use this term! It creates imagery of a man purchasing a spouse, an idea opponents wish to encourage. The foreign bride industry helps like minded adults find lasting relationships, period!

The term MOB comes from early male US settlers who were at a loss for the female sex and found brides via eligible and willing European women. There is no evidence the women of this time made this choice, just like today, out of ANYTHING other than self interest.

Today there may be enough women to go around, but we all know people who for whatever reason do not meet someone to whom they wish to make a lifelong commitment. These people, (mostly men) make the choice to find a foreign bride out of a desire to share their life with somebody. Women, while they enter these relationships with different reasons, do so for THE SAME REASON.

But critics of this arrangement despair of predator men taking advantage of women from poor countries. They claim men use these women as little more than sexual and domestic doormats, and that the women have little choice but to enter these marriages.

While certainly both extremes are represented in these arrangements, what evidence is there for these depictions? And why, short of evidence, malign the majority of well meaning participants for the horror stories of abuse?

"Predator Myths"

The good men who find a companion abroad are painted as violent, chauvinistic idiots, like these problems started with the advent of inter-continental marriage. Violence in relationships is unfortunately a fact of life. Studies show rates of violence in relationships are uniform whether couples are straight or gay, rich or poor. In other words, violence and control come from violent and controlling people, not men who seek relationships abroad.

"Women Have No Choice"

Critics claim the women in these relationships have no choice but to leave their families for another land. But where is their evidence for this claim? Clearly, its human nature to want to improve our living standards, but this desire is not the equivalent of being compelled to leave all one ever knew for a foreign land. There is no evidence whatever to support the claim women who make this choice do so out of anything other than self interest.


"Fair Is A Weather Forecast"

We know life is not fair. Some of us are born beautiful, athletic, tall, and into rich families. Others are not. Some find love early in life, others do not. Compromise if part of life, we forgo material comfort today for wealth tomorrow. Men choose women often based on their looks while overlooking a less than sparkling personality, women choose men based on their ability to provide support, at the expense of his looks. These are not challenges to my feminist sister who disagree, they are biological facts that have never been disproved.

"It Can't Be All Bad"

If this industry was devoted to trapping poor women in desperate marriages, it would DISAPPEAR. We live in a world where any thought one has can be disseminated in SECONDS. These women would tell their sisters back home the horrors, and the number of willing participants would disappear.

Mail Order Bride, Shmale Order Bride, NONSENSE!

Best,

Matt